Descendants of Negi: An Elseworld of 2814… Maybe…
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: As Negi's class prepares to graduate from high school, Chao returns and strange youngsters have appeared at Mahora. Claiming to be future children of Negi, they all want to make sure THEIR timeline is the one that gets to happen! Crack, implied inc.
1. In which there is Chaos…

A/N: A part of the 101 Negima fanfic challenge on the TvTropes forum. Check it out…

I hate _In Medias Res_, especially since Philippine fiction, of which I am almost annually forced to slog through, seems to be in love with it. That said, it's still a good device, properly used…

...

Descendants of Negi: An Elseworld of 2814… Possibly.

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 1: In which there is Chao(s)…

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Akamatsu. I make no profit off this. If you paid to see this, you've been had… AND I WANT MY CUT!

...

"This," Asuna said, glaring at the self-proclaimed time-traveling Martian, "Is all your fault somehow. I just know it."

Chao actually looked offended. "Me? How could this possibly be _my_ fault?"

"You're the only time traveler I know!" Asuna cried, pointing. "Who else should I blame?-!"

"That you _know_," Chao said.

Asuna froze. "Did you just say–"

"I don't recall saying anything!" Chao interrupted.

Don't you just hate _In Medias Res_? To learn as to the cause of this conversation, we have to go back to the distant past…

...

_**65 Million Years Ago…**_

It was a perfectly average day. Then the meteor hit…

WHOOPS! A bit too far. Let's try this again…

...

_**65 Million Years Later, and some time before the first scene…**_

"I can't believe we're about to graduate!" Makie cried, jumping and twirling around in the air.

"None of us can believe you Baka Rangers are about to graduate either," Chisame said dryly, though none took it as an insult. They were too used to her prickly nature now.

Starbooks Coffee, which had nothing to do with books, and very little to do with coffee, preferring to go with overpriced things that would have made Fate Averruncus twitch inside at the blasphemy against good coffee, was still a good hangout. Chisame sat nursing her drink, watching with a sort of resigned fond amusement as Makie and Ku celebrated, leaping around like spider-monkeys on crack. Opposite the hacker, Chachamaru sat neatly, back straight, legs closed, her hands on her lap, a small, serene smile on her face.

It is usually customary, in these sorts of fics where a period of time has passed, to describe how everyone has gotten taller and more beautiful, with bigger breasts, different hairstyles (that make it hard to imagine what everyone looks like, most of the time) and repetitive uses of various purple prose words that make the person using them sound like an idiot who needs a thesaurus, or perhaps an idiot _with_ a thesaurus. And indeed, the narrative _was_ building up to that, honestly it was, but… no. Just no.

Still, expository material isn't amiss. Negi had continued on as their class' homeroom teacher for the past 4 years, moving from Middle School to high school, and even getting Evangeline to finally be bumped up. They'd spent a veritable fortune on age-changing pills over the last four years, but those in the know– a number that had progressively grown– felt it was worth it to have the vampire in their class. She bitched about having to keep hanging out with them, and why it was taking Negi so long to undo the curse his father had put on her, and accused him of delaying, even if it was an open secret among them that she'd sometimes sneak into Negi's lab– a small space he'd begged off Evangeline in her resort– and quietly sabotage one or two small things a month to delay him.

The sweet, sugary stuff the energetic two had ordered finally arrived, prompting them to sit down and eat, to seemingly no change at the rate they were talking. Chisame made vague, assenting sounds, enough to encourage them to keep talking and not actually include her in the conversation. She'd gotten really good at that. Chachamaru, of course, was politely listening and nodding along, though for all intents and purposes she was also keeping out of it.

"Hey everyone!" a voice called out. "Sorry we're late!"

Konoka ran towards them, smiling widely as usual, Setsuna behind her. The swordswoman was trying to keep up and tie her hair back to its usual tie at the same time. Konoka liked messing with her hair, something that caused no end of blushes from the hanyou. Asuna ran with them, with Negi behind, briefcase in hand. He hadn't gotten appreciably taller in the last four years. In fact, he hadn't seemed to have changed at all, despite all the time that had gone by, on top of how much he'd aged in Evangeline's resort and other such places.

"Had to get out of another Omiai?" Chisame asked.

Konoka shook her head, nonchalantly taking Setsuna's hand– the other girl went slightly redder. She has in fact been so red so often in recent years the school nurse was once concerned for her blood pressure– as they slowed down. "No, though it's not from grandfather's lack of trying. No, club ran kind of long since Anya and I got into a fortune telling competition."

"Again?" Chisame said. "Still the same fortune as usual?"

Negi blushed as all the girls looked at him. "Negi's romantic future seems to be beyond the ability of modern magic to ascertain," Setsuna said, sounding solemn and keeping a straight face. Asuna snickered.

"You wouldn't _have_ to use fortune telling if you'd just kept the book of my family tree," Chao said next to Chisame, evilly stealing her drink.

Everyone jumped. "YOU!" Asuna pointed dramatically.

Chao smiled widely. "Yo!" the self-proclaimed 'Martian' said.

Setsuna and Negi were barely able to hold Asuna back as she lunged at the girl with the obvious intent to strangle her.

Chao blinked. "Eh? Asuna, don't tell me you're still holding the school festival against me after all these years…" She paused, frowning, then took out what was obviously a Casseiopia from her pocket and looked at it critically. "Yup, it's been four years. Don't tell me you're still pissed?"

"It's not the school festival she's mad about," Chisame said, giving the time-traveler a long, level look of supreme annoyance that signified also-restrained violence. "It's the stuff that happened _after_ the festival."

Chao blinked. "What, you're mad about the kill-sat I made for Chachamaru and left in orbit over Mars? I though you'd find that useful."

"Not that," Chisame said. "Chao, what do you know about 'Deepground'?"

Chao blinked. "Ooohhh!" she drawled, looking nervous. "Did I forget about that?"

"You did," Chisame said, voice still level. "Fortunately, after we got the remnants of the Spider Virus out of them, your Tsviet androids were reasonable enough. We were able to pass it off as an action movie. They actually _did_ show it theatrically."

"THAT PSYCHOTIC RED-HEADED RUSSIAN ROBOT OF YOURS STALKED ME FOR A WEEK!" Asuna cried. "SHE KEPT HIDING IN THE SHOWER TO AMBUSH ME!"

Chao snapped her fingers. "I'm pretty sure I left Hakase a note about that…"

"You did. We found it buried under an old sandwich covered with what appeared to be a highly advanced bacterial civilization, next to the miniature particle accelerator" Chachamaru said. "They had apparently worshipped you as a goddess and took your absence to mean the end of the world had come, and meant they should make war on the nanobot civilization in the circuit-board next to them, who apparently also worshipped you as a goddess. They unfortunately wiped each other out after the bacteria discovered nuclear power and the nanobots discovered chemical warfare."

"Oh," Chao said. "Well, the lab can get a little messy…"

"And then there was that 'Vegnagun' thing you apparently built and forgot about that woke up eight months after you left,'" Chisame said. "Nearly destroyed the campus before we found it a nice home on Monster Island."

Chao shuffled nervously. "Um…"

"Those colorful robotic dinosaurs followed…" Chisame continued.

"Those aren't mine!" Chao protested. "I was keeping those for a friend in California!"

"Then there was the frozen alien robot…"

"You kept that on ice, right?"

"And that mutated rat you gave to Makie…"

"Hey, she knew what she was getting into when she asked if she could keep Brain!"

"Brain-kun isn't a bother, Asuna," Makie protested. "You're just jealous you don't have someone to help you do your homework."

"HE TRIED TO SHRINK AND RANSOM OFF TOKYO TOWER TO FUND HIS PLAN TO TAKE OVER JAPAN!" Asuna cried.

"And that's just off the top of my nightmares," Chisame said, voice still level, though Chao belatedly noticed her left was gripping one of the bars of her seat so hard it had collapsed inward, and realized Chisame was slightly filled with boosting-magic. "So, I'm sure you can see there's some emotion attached to your reappearance."

"I want to kick her ass!" Asuna cried.

"Um, sorry?" Chao said. "Congratulations on graduating?"

Asuna and Chisame glared at her.

"Suddenly, I wish I had my battle suit handy," Chao said nervously, leaning away.

"Now, now, Asuna, be nice!" Konoka said. She smiled warmly at Chao. "Chao-chan's obviously come a long way to be with us at graduation! Can't we all just get along? You used to have no problem with Chao."

"She captured Takahata-sensei!" Asuna cried.

Negi blinked. "I thought you were over him?"

"It's the principle of the thing!" Asuna cried.

"Asuna making a big fuss over nothing," Ku said, waving a hand dismissively. She turned to Chao. "so, when we fight again?"

Chao sweatdropped. "Hey, I don't even have a place to stay yet! Can't you put off beating me up until Asuna looks like she won't join in?"

"Never going to happen, smiley," Asuna growled.

"Oh, give over, Asuna!" Makie said. "Look, it's a great day, Chao's back, and we're graduating! Why make a big fuss over it?"

"We should call the others!" Konoka said. "Everyone will be glad to know you're back!" She whipped out her cellphone…

...

Takane sighed as she finished the last of the paperwork, feeling a flash of satisfaction at a job well done. The blonde had been working as a teaching assistant since she graduated, and while others might complain about the mundanity and boredom and ignominy of it, she'd come to understand that a mage not needing to act in their capacity as a mage is a mage doing their job well. Between her atrocious luck in almost always losing some part or all of her clothes, the kinds of things she'd found that non-trainee mages had to deal with, and balancing a normal life– that is to say, a consistent daily routine, at least– she'd found that downtime was a _good_ thing.

Filling out the last of the things Negi had asked her to do– he'd gotten better at relegating work to her, meaning she no longer had to pry it out of him with a crowbar because she felt guilty about not doing enough– she got ready to leave, gathering her briefcase and coat. A card nearly fell out of the pocket, and she grabbed for it hurriedly, stuffing the Pactio Card back in. The blush that still rose to her cheeks at the mere reminder of the card's existence gave her skin a nice, healthy flush. Sometimes, she still wondered about what had possessed her to form a Pactio with a boy several years her junior, but it was a small, rational part, and rationality had no place in dealing with the being of pure charisma that was Negi Springfield. She thumped a fist to her head, trying to reset her brain. Darn it, she hadn't stayed this embarrassed about making pactios with Mei and Megumi.

Lost in thought, she almost didn't notice the girl until she bumped into her.

"Excuse me, miss," the girl said. Takane looked down. Had she ever been that small? Well, probably, though she likely hadn't thought herself small. The girl was shorter than average, with strange ear ornaments, and long red hair that fell straight down her back. She carried a folder in her gloved hands. "Could you please direct me to the location of Professor Negi Springfield? I have urgent business with him."

Takane narrowed her eyes. "It's after hours. He's already left for home."

"Oh," the girl said. "I am too late then. I apologize for bothering you. I shall return tomorrow." She turned and began to walk away.

Takane _really_ should have gone after her and asked all sorts of pertinent and logical questions. After all, she _was_ Negi's assistant, after all, and she'd seen one too many suspicious attempts to get at Negi– whether by fans, stalkers, love-sick students, and actual legitimate enemies out to kill him– not to at least recognize when things were suspicious. She _really_ should have.

Her stomach growled, and she put a hand to it in reflexive embarrassment. When she looked up, the girl was gone.

...

Takahata Takamichi, completely unrelated to a certain little dress-wearing pink-blasting engine of destruction except during the occasional typo, was idly walking along, enjoying the quiet tranquility of the world around him and thinking of French toast and waffles. Sure, in a couple of minutes he'd likely be called to get a cat out of a tree or save orphans from a burning building or something, but for now he relaxed. _This_ was what they'd fought for, all those years ago. Not having to worry about being wiped from existence or being manipulated to destroy others by Cosmo Enchilada– the name of a now-popular chain of restaurants. It would have been monstrous if Dynamis wasn't such a good mascot.

A short, lanky red-haired boy crossed his path, scowling down at the map in his hands and muttering under his breath in what was probably an unflattering manner, if a map could be unflattered. A long, thin bundle hung on his back, in what was apparently a custom-made bag. He looked up and spotted Takamichi, and put on a smile that would have had women considering some illegal things. He bowed low. "Excuse me sir. I'm sort of lost. Could you please direct me to–" he consulted his map "– Starbooks Coffee? I'm supposed to meet someone there, but I'm sort of new to the area…"

"No problem," Takahata said helpfully, taking the map from the boy and noting it seemed to be written in either Russian or Bulgarian, he couldn't tell. He managed to find where they currently were with some difficult, then gave the boy some directions. The boy thanked him profusely, and ran off. Takamici chuckled. Ah, youth. Always so energetic. It reminded him of Negi when he was younger. Come to think of it, it reminded him of Negi _now_.

Chuckling at the thought, he didn't notice the dark-skinned, red-haired girl carrying a big, wooden-cabinet-like backpack until she coughed behind him. She was a small thing, barely bigger than the boy had been, and apparently no older, though Takamichi was disturbed to see she was ridiculously over-endowed for her size, and he could just make out the barest traces of a bra through her white sundress. "Excuse me sir," she said sounding almost formal, and very composed. "But could you please direct me to Starbooks Coffee?"

Takamichi blinked, but obligingly repeated his previous directions. "Are you meeting your friends too?" he asked.

Her eyes narrowed. "'Too'?" she repeated.

"A young boy just passed by asking exactly the same thing," Takamichi said. "Was he one of your friends?"

Her face became alarmed, then determined. "So, it's begun, has it? I must be off sir. Thank you for your time." Then, oddly, she procured a pad of paper, wrote something on it, and took out a few coins, and handed both to him before running off.

Bemused, Takamichi looked at the note. "Receipt," it said, "To bearer for consultation and directions, paid in the amount of 20 Yen."

As Takamichi pondered exact what sort of person would give a _receipt_ to someone for giving them directions and wondering if he should be annoyed, a teenaged girl with long, nigh-floor-length red hair walked past him, frowning solemnly as she stared at a map.

Takamichi did a double take. "Arika-sama?-!" he cried in surprise, his cigarette falling from his mouth.

The girl froze. "I'm sorry, you mush have mistaken me for someone else," she said, her voice at a ridiculously high falsetto that just had to put on. "I am but a perfectly ordinary teenager! Nothing special about me at all! Oh my, look at the time, got to go!"

Takamichi blinked as he found himself staring at an expanding dust cloud and a rapidly shrinking silhouette. He frowned. He took out his cell phone, intending to call in the aberrant event…

"Excuse me!" a voice said behind him. It was female, adorable and utterly disarming. He, of course, turned around.

A pair of creepy red eyes stared back at him.

Two seconds later, Takamichi was passed out on the ground, drooling as he slept.

The girl in purple giggled. "Man, that gets them every time." She looked up, smirking at something unseen. "Look out world! Traveling across time with illegal True Magic, braving paradox to obtain my selfishly happy ending, and damn everyone else who gets in my way, I, Illyria Einzbern-Springfield, have come to Mahora to win the Holy Grail: The heart of Negi Springfield!"

She threw back her head and laughed, her pinkish-orange hair fluttering in a convenient breeze.

Behind her, two other girls waited patiently. One checked the fanfic's script, and coughed meaningfully.

"Ahem! With the assistance of my allies, of course," Illyria said. "My cousin/sister/alternate-universe-double/half-sister Nikuro–"

"I know who I am, Illyria," Nikuro Einzbern-Springfield said, looking completely identical to Illyria except for the fact she had dark skin and golden eyes. That, and her clothes. There's no point mentioning them, as it would put us dangerously close to purple prose territory. She gave Illyria a look that stood between annoyed, amused, and lustful. "Honestly, did you inherit your mom's mental problems too?"

Illyria sniffed. "Nasu-chan, Nikuro's being mean!"

"She is merely having her 'Character Establishing Scene'," Nasu, the last girl, who contrary to the trend so far had dark hair, if slightly tinged with red at the edges, said, voice nearly monotonous, as she pointed to the script she was holding. "As, in fact, are we all. I have seen it is so beyond the walls of time and space."

Nikuro shook her head. "This 'Seeing Beyond The Walls Of Time And Space' ability of yours is weird, Nasu. What exactly does 'seeing beyond the wall beyond three none else see' really mean, anyway?"

Nasu just smiled and winked at the readers.

Nikuro blinked, looking between Nasu and where she'd been looking and finding nothing there. "Did you have something in your eye, Nasu-chan?"

"Come," Nasu said, changing the subject. "Let us continue. We must end this scene now so we can arrive at our destination off-screen." She began walking.

The other two exchanged confused, suffering looks. "Nasu-chan, what the hell are you talking about!-?" Illyria asked as the two of them walked to catch up to her.

The scene ended, leaving Takamichi passed out on the ground, thinking of French Toast and Waffles…

...

At the airport, Nekane, Nagi and Arika finally got through customs and baggage claim, to be met by Eishun. There was manly punching and bowing, and then they piled into a vehicle to head for MAahora to be present at the upcoming graduation…

Right behind them, a blonde teenager wearing dark sunglasses and a newspaper in front of his face– upside down, of course– quickly got into a taxi being driven by an Indian man. "Follow that car, please," he said.

"Following that car," the taxi driver said, deadpan, and began to go after them…

...

Konoka began to dial… only to be pulled back by Setsuna at the last second, as a thrown blade passed through the space her hand had just been, barely missing and imbedding itself into the concrete.

"Konoe Konoka!" a high-pitched, slightly giggly and disturbingly familiar voice cried from atop the nearest lamppost. A pink-haired girl stood there, wearing loligoth cloths so frilly, loaded with so many bells and whistles and ribbons and ruffles, and exuding so much perverse sexuality for a completely concealing garment that Evangeline would have gotten jealous stood there, a blade in each hand, various bandoliers stuck through with throwing knives wrapped around various parts of her body and somehow accentuated her clothes. "For the offenses you have perpetrated against my mother, I shall kill you and see you trouble us no longer! Die!"

She charged, stepped on her skirt, gave a cry and fell face first on the ground.

No one moved, everyone tense for some sort of surprise attack.

Chisame sighed. "We're rehearsing a scene for a movie our club is making!" she said.

Everyone not Ala Alba shrugged and went about their business, though some stayed to watch.

Finally, the girl staggered to her feet, face scrunched piteously as she held a hand up to her bleeding nose and moaning in pain. "Ow owie! That hurts!"

Chao stared, then looked at her time machine suspiciously. "Um, is this anyone you know?"

Everyone shook their heads.

Asuna, of course, took the lead. "Hey, you! just what the hell do you think you're doing, trying to attack Konoka like that?-!" she demanded.

"I'm trying to get revenge, duh," the girl said, voice now slightly nasally as she knelt, holding her stomach. "If I kill her, mother will have what she wishes! The future will be mine!"

At that moment, something fell from her pocket, tinkling onto the ground. It was a golden pocketwatch.

Everyone blinked. Slowly, they turned to look at Chao, staring at the identical watch she still held.

"This," Asuna said, glaring at the self-proclaimed time-traveling Martian, "Is all your fault somehow. I just know it."

Chao actually looked offended. "Me? How could this possibly be _my_ fault?"

"You're the only time traveler I know!" Asuna cried, pointing. "Who else should I blame?-!"

"That you _know_," Chao said.

Asuna froze. "Did you just say–"

"I don't recall saying anything!" Chao interrupted. She frowned at the girl. "Who exactly _are_ you, girl?" she asked. "How do you have my technology?"

The girl, to her credit, tried to stand up straight and look composed. "My name," she said proudly, or as proudly as someone talking with a nasal voice through ha bloody nose could be, "Is Aoyama Amaterasu! Daughter of Tsukuyomi!"

"WHAT!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" they all cried.

The girl continued, pointing at Konoka. "Konoe Konoka! First you took my mother's beloved Setsuna-sempai away from her with your harlotous, succubus-like ways, evilly seducing her away from her rightful beloved with your big breasts and money and that thing you can do with your tongue!" Amaterasu declared. "But this victory wasn't enough for you, for you had to also steal away Negi-papa with your big breasts and your threesome orgies, leaving my mother pregnant and destitute while you had you big happy marriage with Negi-papa and your concubine Setsuna! Now, I have come to avenge my mothers honor by killing you and chaning time so that my mother can have Negi-papa and her Setsuna-sempai as she should!"

Setsuna and Negi had paled, while Makie had stuck out her tongue, looking at it curiously as she looked sideways at Konoka, who simply looked shocked.

Chisame summed it up. "Oh, crap."

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: This is an Elseworld, meaning it's loosely (_**VERY**_ loosely) similar to the canon of my _2814_ fics. Gives me more options that way. Maybe. Possibly. I haven't decided yet.

Chrono, in the first Nanoha series, is a 14 year-old who looks the same age as Nanoha. Negi is 14 here, so I can barely get it to squeak by.

Anya seems western-European to me. Her name seems that way, anyway.

For some reason, I have recently seen Nodoka as an _extremely_ viable candidate for the Order of Fate in my 2814 fics, and am resisting the terribly overpowering urge to give her a yellow ring…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. Marty McFly Never Had These Problems…

A/N: I suppose this WILL have to be an Elseword, else how will Negi know Illya? Maybe… possibly…

...

Descendants of Negi: An Elseworld of 2814… Possibly.

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 2: Marty McFly Never Had These Problems…

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Akamatsu. I make no profit off this. If you paid to see this, you've been had… AND I WANT MY CUT!

...

"Who exactly _are_ you, girl?" Chao asked. "How do you have my technology?"

The girl, to her credit, tried to stand up straight and look composed. "My name," she said proudly, or as proudly as someone talking with a nasal voice through ha bloody nose could be, "Is Aoyama Amaterasu! Daughter of Tsukuyomi!"

"WHAT!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" they all cried.

The girl continued, pointing at Konoka. "Konoe Konoka! First you took my mother's beloved Setsuna-sempai away from her with your harlotous, succubus-like ways, evilly seducing her away from her rightful beloved with your big breasts and money and that thing you can do with your tongue!" Amaterasu declared. "But this victory wasn't enough for you, for you had to also steal away Negi-papa with your big breasts and your threesome orgies, leaving my mother pregnant and destitute while you had you big happy marriage with Negi-papa and your concubine Setsuna! Now, I have come to avenge my mothers honor by killing you and changing time so that my mother can have Negi-papa and her Setsuna-sempai as she should!"

Setsuna and Negi had paled, while Makie had stuck out her tongue, looking at it curiously as she looked sideways at Konoka, who simply looked shocked.

Chisame summed it up. "Oh, crap."

Ku turned to stare at Negi. "Sensei bang four-eyed pervy slicey glasses girl?"

"Don't you dare talk about my mother that way!" Amaterasu cried. She was hurriedly stuffing her nose with tissues to stem the bleeding. "My mother is a wonderful person who just happens to like killing people and is sexually excited by murder! We all have our little problems!"

They all gave her a blank stare.

She kept on glaring. "She's the greatest mother ever!"

Asuna sighed. "Yup, this is definitely your kid, Negi."

The others nodded sagely in agreement, except Setsuna, who was still twitchy at all the things Amaterasu had just revealed, the least of which was that Tsukuyomi had somehow managed to reproduce.

"_**EH?**_" Negi exclaimed. "How do you all say that?"

The girls all exchanged a look, wondering how they could possibly put into words the sentiment that only _he_ could be able to breed such a hopelessly optimistic kid with a total nut like Tsukuyomi.

"Only you would be able to breed such a hopelessly optimistic kid with a total nut like Tsukuyomi," Chisame said, summing it up perfectly.

"My mother is not a total nut!" Amaterasu protested, gasping. "She is a kind and loving human being!"

At this point, she realized she had stuffed so many tissues into her nose she could no longer breath, and started pulling some out, gasping.

"Target acquired. Beginning neutralization."

The words were delivered in a clear, level voice that sounded like someone had been able to score Summer Glau as a seiyuu, in a robotic monotone that managed to be musical. That was the only warning they had before a red-haired girl with strange ear ornaments streaked towards Amaterasu with a lot more flair, speed, and capability than the loligoth had previously displayed, one hand thrusting forward like a spear.

Before contact could be made, however, there was a blur and a clear, almost bell-like metallic ring as a figure interposed itself between the red-haired girl and a surprised Amaterasu. There was a confused moment of movement as the red-haired girl and the new arrival, a smaller, dark-haired child who looked barely ten and was definitely shorter than Negi, fought. This did not stop the new arrival from wielding the two swords in her hands, a standard-sized katana and a much longer nodachi that was way longer than she was tall.

"Still making a movie folks!" Chisame said loudly. Everyone shrugged and went on their way, though a couple were asking Makie which club they were in and if they'd be letting people see the finished product.

The red-haired girl drew back, while the dark-haired girl moved to place herself between the red-haired girl and Amaterasu. The red-haired girl was wearing gloves, and between that and her sweater and jeans most of her was completely covered. Amaterasu gasped as she saw the dark-haired girl clearly. "Arika? W-what are you doing here?"

"Don't worry sempai!" the dark-haired girl chirped cheerfully. She was wearing a highly inappropriate spaghetti strap that left her back bare and shorts, which would have had more conservative mothers moaning about how their little girl was turning into a slut had it been worn by someone five years holder. As she was, it was even more highly disturbing. "I'm here to rescue you! Oh, and I guess I'm also supposed to keep you from changing history so that Konoka-mama and Setsuna-mama end up with Negi-papa, but we can talk about that."

Amaterasu blushed. "I don't need your help, Sakurazaki-Springfield Arika!" she declared loudly.

"Eh, sempai has such a sexy voice when she yells!" Arika chirped. "It's making me really hot…"

Setsuna paled so much she looked like a corpse as Asuna began to choke.

The red-haired girl didn't narrow her eyes, but it would have been appropriate for her to. Instead, she said levelly, "New target acquired. Updating database. Target tentatively identified as the child of Negi Springfield and Sakurazaki Setsuna." Negi s eyes went comically wide, and began to swirl a little. "Target neutralization protocol initiated. Commencing analysis." With that, she attacked again.

Arika met her charge as they dodged around a surprised Makie, swords, fists and feet darting past her legs, around her head and in some cases between her fingers as the two briefly met each other, only to move sideways as the others scrambled to get out of the way, Ku pulling Makie back as soon as it was safely viable. They knew they should break the girls up, break out the awesome Pactio powers and levels of badass they'd acquired over the last four years, but Setsuna and Negi were still too out of it by the sudden shocks, and Asuna knew she wasn't exactly a precision attacker.

The red-haired girl met the blades with her hands, arms and legs, cutting up her clothes slightly as a shimmering field seemed to cover her limbs, apparently providing protection from the blades. They fought with a degree of skill that was becoming very common in Ala Alba's circles. "Analysis complete," the red-haired girl said, moving back slightly. "Target identified as using Shinmeiryu. Initiating Counterattack. Weapon Copy System, Initiating. Activating Multi-Buster." Her right forearm seemed to burst open, the gloves and sweater melting into a silvery 'liquid metal' sort of thing and revealing shifting plates and gears as the forearm reformed into a rounded, elongated weapon that looked kinda like an ovoid jellybean with a barrel. The smell of ozone suddenly filled the air as the barrel of the weapon began to glow. She pointed the weapon at Arika, energy crackling form the end. "Multi-Buster, shoot."

A ball of energy shot forth, flying at Arika straight and true. She darted back, grabbing a surprised Amatersau and dodging the blast.

At the escalation, Chachamaru charged forward, knocking the red-haired girl's weapon upward, her combat filaments bursting from her back to try and restrain the girl. "Stop this immediately," Chachamaru said in her usual calm voice.

Surprisingly, the girl froze. "Direct parental command logged," she said. "Attempting 'Rebellious Teen' override. Established 'Obedience' and 'Parental Respect' protocols causing delay. Immanent disobedience failure."

Chachamaru _did_ blink in surprise at this, even as the others' eyes went wide. "You will calm down and explain yourself," Chachamaru continued, not loosening her grip even as the girl offered no resistance.

"New direct parental command logged," the red-haired girl said. "Override failing. Loading emergency module 'Heroic Resolve'. Loading emergency module 'Audacia Paula'. Obedience override, activated. Apologies in advance."

The red-haired girl _twisted,_ legs, arms and torso contorting and rotating in ways that made Makie wince and everyone else shiver and recoil, somehow pulling her way out of Chachamaru's restraining hold. She managed to slam an elbow into Chachamaru's face with a concise "My apologies, mother," before a well-aimed rocket-punch to the gut sent the green-haired robot girl flying over a distant building.

Amaterasu, meanwhile, was taking issue with Arika rescuing her. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BREASTS, YOU PERVERT!" she cried, trying to struggle out of Arika's grip, which was made complicated by all the swords and throwing blades they were wearing.

"Eh?" Arika said, nuzzling against Amaterasu's back as she groped the other girl. "What's the matter, Amaterasu-sempai? Didn't your mom do this to my mom all the time? Why should you have a problem with something your mom liked to do?"

"WE'RE HALF-SISTERS, YOU BASTARD!" Amaterasu cried. "YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING THESE THINGS!"

"Our love can go beyond these petty bonds of blood!" Arika said cheerfully. "Besides, you're one to talk. Didn't your mom pretend to be a stripper during Negi-papa's bachelor party and seduce him to conceive you?"

"Grrr!" Amaterasu said, pulling off one of her cute little shoes and hitting Arika with it repeatedly. "Let go! I have to change the timeline so that you never exist and Negi-papa marries mama!"

"There are so many things wrong with that reasoning," Chisame muttered. Some deep, deep part of her was crying that she was no longer normal enough to truly find all this weird. The rest of her told it to shut up and get with the program. Setsuna and Sensei were still out of it, while Asuna had her harisen in hand and had charged the red-haired robot-girl, steel-hard paper meeting limbs.

Amaterasu finally managed to throw Arika off her, and darted towards Konoka with a cry. Setsuna moved to intercept, snapped out of her stupor by an actual threat to her precious Konoka, Yuunagi appearing from the storage sigil Mana had long ago taught her to make.

"ALEX FLAME BUSTER KICK!"

A foot on fire connected to a lanky, red-haired boy suddenly appeared, his attack aimed directly at Amaterasu. Startled, the girl barely managed to cross her blades in time to catch the attack, the heat shriveling some of her more delicate lace miscellany. A length of wood arced overhead, clearly meant to club her on the head, and she twisted, rolling under the outstretched leg and under her attacker, an elbow jabbing painfully upward where his legs met. With a howl, her attacker collapsed into a ball.

Setsuna took advantage of the delay to plan and launch her attack, putting Amaterasu on the defensive as she began to maneuver the smaller girl to where she could be subdued safely. Arika charged forward to Amaterasu's rescue again, her own enormous sword flashing forward to meet Setsuna's. The hanyou girl felt a chill and a strange disturbed sensation in her stomach as she recognized Arika's blade.

Chao and Chisame dragged back the injured boy. "So," Chao asked cheerfully. "Whose kid are you supposed to be?"

The boy only groaned.

"Suit yourself," Chao said.

A girl with long red hair rounded a corner at a dead run and screeched to a halt, staring at the mess. Setsuna was occupied fighting Arika and Amaterasu, Asuna was fighting the red-haired robot girl, Makie and Konoka were trying to keep people from getting to close by telling them it was all for a movie, and Ku had placed herself between the other fighters and Chao, Chisame and a still-helpless Negi.

"Man!" one bystander said. "This is going to be one COOL movie!"

Chisame saw the newly-arrived girl and frowned suspiciously. "All right, whose daughter are you?" she asked peevishly.

The girl jumped. "W-what?"

"You're obviously another one of Negi-sensei's children from the future with someone," Chisame said, curtly, annoyed as hell. "Are you here to fight too?"

The girl's eyes went wide, and she started waving around her arms in a manner that reminded Chisame of Misora getting her disguises busted. "Fighting? Children from the future? What _are_ you talking about miss? I'm just an innocent bystander with absolutely nothing to do with any of this!"

A Casseiopia fell out of her dress pocket. Chisame gave it a _look_.

"Sit," she said, pointing at a chair.

"Really, I–" the girl said.

"_SIT!_"

The girl sat.

Pulling out her cell phone, Chisame dialed. "Hello, Kaede? We have something of a problem…"

"…"

"… yes, Negi-sensei's children from the future _have_ been showing up and attacking people and each other. How'd you know?"

...

Kaede looked up at the pink haired boy who'd attacked her with a scream of "Narutaki-Springfield Nagi Dynamic Entry KICK!" tied up near the ceiling, the _other_ boy who'd attacked her with a scream of "Narutaki-Springfield Nagi Dynamic Entry KICK!" tied up next to him, and said into her phone, "It is a part of a shinobi's skills to know these things."

"…"

"Two, actually. Both seem to be Negi-sensei's children by Fuuka and Fumika. Interestingly, they are both identical in appearance and possess the same name. A moment Chisame-san, I need to stop them from hurting each other."

"…"

"Anyway, where did you say you were? Ah. I'll be right there."

...

Illyasviel Von Einzberg, her evil-twin/repressed-memories/adopted-sister Kuro and Miyu Edelfelt got off the Vimana outside Mahora. "Now remember, Gilgamesh-kun," Miyu instructed. "We will be staying overnight. We will call you when we want to be picked up."

Gilgamesh twitched. "I am not a taxi service, girl!" he snapped.

Miyu merely stuffed a fistful of Pocky in his mouth. Grumbling, the hero lifted off, eating the Pocky.

"How you get away with that, I have no idea," Kuro commented wryly.

"Gil-kun is a good boy," Miyu said as they started walking…

...

She'd been in the middle of setting up her sniping position when she realized she wasn't alone.

She looked at the three girls who surrounded her, forcing her to keep her back to the ledge she'd chosen. Her expression stayed professionally smooth, just as her mother had taught her. "May I help you?" she said.

"That depends," the girl in the middle, a red-eyed girl in a purple dress, pinkish-orange hair fluttering slightly. The girl smiled widely, innocently. "Are you for hire?"

Eyes narrowing slightly, head tilting, she let one hand fall to her pack.

The dark-skinned girl to the side snapped her hand, and she was barely able to draw her hand back before a black blade spun where her fingers had been, the blade arcing back into the girl's hand somehow. "Ah, ah!" the girl said, waggling the white blade she held in her other hand. "Naughty naughty!"

"Nikuro, play nice," the dark-haired girl on the other side chided. "You too, Illyria." She bowed. "Forgive us our rudeness, miss. My name is Nasu, and this is Illyria and Nikuro. Nikuro is the one who threw the blade."

The other three gave her a look. "Hey, why are you introducing us for!-?" Illyria cried.

"Because this business with the pronouns and descriptions is getting annoying for our writer, and probably worse for the readers, who might get confused," Nasu said, smiling apologetically at the readers.

Nikuro stared. "What the hell are you smiling at?-!" she cried.

"Nothing," Nasu said, winking at the readers.

"Do you have something in your eye?" Illyria asked.

"Oh, nothing," Nasu said. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself, Busty-Loli-Who-Put-Together-A-Gun-While-We-Were-Talking-chan?"

The other two blinked, whirling. Busty-Loli-Who-Put-Together-A-Gun-While-We-Were-Talking-chan had put their backpack back on, and one side had swung open. A metal support arm peaked out, a minigun on it's end strapped to Busty-Loli-Who-Put-Together-A-Gun-While-We-Were-Talking-chan's forearm, a belt of ammo leading back into the pack. "Who I am isn't any of your concern," Busty-Loli-Who-Put-Together-A-Gun-While-We-Were-Talking-chan said, brandishing her weapon as Nikuro and Illyria took on defensive stances.

"'Property of Rally Tatsumiya-Springfield'," Nasu said, reading the owner card attached to the pack. "'If found, please return to the Tatsumiya shrine'."

"So fast!" Rally exclaimed, surprised. "How–!"

"My ability to 'See Beyond The Walls Of Time And Space' allows be to do things when I am not directly mentioned during part of a scene," Nasu explained, smiling.

Rally blinked. "What is she talking about?"

Nikuro and Illyria shrugged. "No clue," Illyria said. "I only met her a few hours ago."

"She just showed up and said she was making an alliance with us," Nikuro said. "After dodging everything we threw at her, we figured 'why not?' and just went with it."

"Friendship through superior ability to annoy," Nasu said serenely. "That is the Deadpool way."

At that point, a green-haired robot girl landed in their midst.

...

"Nagi, Eishun," Arika said serenely from where she sat in the back next to Nekane, "You _do_ realize a taxi has been following us since we left the airport, right?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Of course, your majesty," Eishun said. "We've known all along. That's why we've been randomly talking like this and driving slowly. To have them lower their guard."

"Ah," Arika said, nodding. "I suppose I shouldn't have thought such a trifling thing would get past the renown heroes of Ala Rubra. I trust you have a plan?"

"Of course, your majesty!" Eishun said. "We've planned for just such a contingency!"

Arika nodded and settled back, playing Z.H.P.: Unlosing Baka Rangers Versus Darkdeath Evilman on her PSP while Nekane napped.

The men-folk in front exchanged sideways looks. "Taxi?" Nagi mouthed.

Eishun shrugged in chagrin.

The low-velocity car chase continued on…

...

The fighting was getting a _tad_ out of hand…

"Zanmaken Ni-no-Tachi: _In Celebration Of Setsuna-mama's First Kiss With Konoka-mama Strike!_" Arika cried cheerfully as she lashed out with her own Yuunagi, forcing Setsuna to dodge rather than trying to meet the attack head-on. This was complicated by the fact she nearly had an aneurysm just from _hearing_ the name.

Konoka had managed to heal boy who'd been hit right in the Springfield Glands– his name was apparently Alex– and he'd rejoined the battle, the disturbingly familiar wooden staff he wielded wrapped in flame shaped like a halberd as he had his rematch against Amaterasu. Despite being _quite_ flaky, she obviously had her mother's near-demonic talent for sword fighting, which was handily matched by Alex's own fighting ability. The temperature had risen sharply as he used his flame-based magic.

Chao and Asuna had double-teamed the red-haired robot girl. Chao had been surprisingly good at managing to identify the girl's weak points and blind spots, though she'd been surprised at other points. Unable to use Casseiopia Kenpo, Chao had been forced to fall back on the fact she was a martial arts master who had been acknowledged as Ku's equal, and in some ways superior, at one point. Meaning, she was also kicking robot ass.

Just as it looked like Ala Alba was about to get the other hand and stop all this, naturally, something happened.

There was a scream, a fleshy sound of impact, and Chao blinked as she suddenly found herself fighting the red-haired girl alone.

On the ground, Asuna groaned, eyes swirling as another girl of about nine years old lay on top of her, an umbrella next to them. The girl on top of Asuna had, of course, red hair, though it was slighter, closer to orange. It was long, but had been done up into two buns, which were kind pointy, before falling into twin tails. Astonishingly, the little girl recovered first, pushing herself up. She blinked wearily, looking around, spotted Asuna, who was also coming around, and reached into the back pack she was wearing, drawing a gun and pointing it at Asuna's head. "Give me the Springfield Family Jewels! Now! Or I blow this girl's head off!"

The battles screeched to the halt at this declaration, the combatants staring at the scene

"It's a really weird movie, folks!" Makie said loudly.

There was another pregnant pause.

"Those conditions are acceptable to me," the red-haired robot girl said.

"I'm cool with that!" Arika chirped.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be," Amaterasu declared.

"That's life," Alex said.

"SHUT UP! Asuna cried. She glared at the girl straddling her. "Put that toy away and get off me!

The girl responded by shoving the thing up Asuna nose. "Don't mess with me!" she cried. "Give me the Springfield family jewels, now!"

Everyone tensed, and it looked like fighting was about to break out again, when...

_"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING MOTHERFUCKERS?-!" _

It was… _Hahrunga!_

...

"That was bad," Nasu said. "That was seriously bad, wouldn't you people agree?"

The girls with her blinked. "What?"

"Nothing, just commenting on things not happening here," Nasu said.

They all leaned slightly away from her as Chachamaru got back to her feet…

...

Hahrunga , er, Haruna had appeared, Yue and Nodoka in tow. "We got your call Konoka!" Yue said. "What seems to be the problem?"

All the children suddenly gasped.

"It's the Absolute Pimp Unlosing Baka Ranger Black!" Alex cried.

"The Black Harem Lord of Ariadne!" Amaterasu wailed.

"The Pornomancer Librarian!" Arika moaned. The creepy kind of moan.

"The Chickmagnet Wingmistress Supreme!" the red-haired robot girl said.

"Orgasm Valkyrie Eleison!" the one Chisame had made to sit declared.

"The Dere-Dere Path Unlocker!" the one pointing a gun to Asuna yelled.

Yue blinked, wondering how she should feel about being called all that. "You all sure you don't mean her?" she said, pointing to Haruna.

There was another round of gasps.

"Ah! It's Evil Overlord Great Paru-sama!"

"O-Haruna-sama!"

"_IT'S THE FUCKING LORD OF EROTIC NIGHTMARES!"_

"The Mistress of Endless Tentacle Fiends!"

"_DON'T SODOMIZE ME!_"

"What does sodomize mean?" the one pointing a gun at Asuna said.

Everyone paused on that one.

"Ask you mother," Chisame said.

The girl considered and turned to Asuna. "Mama, what does 'sodomize' mean?"

Asuna stared. Then her eyes rolled back and she fainted.

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Who else saw that coming?" Chisame said, raising her hand. The others raised their hands as well, even Makie. Negi, of course, was still too out of it to answer.

"Nodoka, now!" Konoka declared. "Use your artifact to find the root of all this!"

Nodoka stepped forward and pointed, her voice wavering as she said, "Um, w-what are your n-names?"

The air suddenly seemed to grow cold and still.

Then the screams started.

_"AHH! IT'S MIYAZAKI NODOKA!"_

_"SHE'S HERE TO EAT OUR BRAINS!"_

_"PLEASE DO NOT CAUSE MY CENTRAL PROCESSOR TO COMBUST!"_

_"DON'T LOOK INTO HER EYES! SHE'LL EAT YOUR SOUL IF YOU LOOK INTO HER EYES!"_

_"LOOK OUT! SHE'S GOT A BOOK!"_

_"WE'RE ALL SCREWED!"_

"What does screwed mean?" Asuna's daughter said.

"ASK YOUR MOTHER!"

Nodoka was surprised at the reaction to her, but this acknowledgment of her was enough for her Comptina Daemonia to activate, and her finger began to trace out names.

_**Aoyama Amaterasu.**_

_**Sakurazaki-Springfield Arika.**_

_**Alex Cocolova-Springfield.**_

_**Multi Karakuri-Springfield, Chacha-series model T-X. **_

_**Arika Anarchia Entheofushia Springfield the Second.**_

_**Asuna Vesperina Theotanasia Entheofushia Kagurazaka-Springfield the Second. **_

As these names registered, various small books appeared, and writing began to scrawl...

Amaterasu: _OHSHIT, OHSHIT, OHSHIT, OHSHIT, OHSHIT, I'MGOINGTODIE! AND I HAVEN'T LOST MY VIRGINITY YET! MAMA WILL BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME!_

S-S Arika: _Wow, Amaterasu-sempai is __**so**__ hot when she's terrified! It's really turning me on... OH, sempai! Onee-chan! When will you stop resisting and see that we are meant to be together! I want so much to push you down and slowly take my blades to you, peeling off your clothes__…_

Alex: _Don't worry mother! I won't let these boob-monsters take father away! I'll PROVE to him that small breasts are the way to go, just like you taught me!_

Multi: _Mission threatened by appearance of the most powerful member of Ala Alba. Accessing files regarding Miyazaki Nodoka. Situation Assessment: I'm screwed. Terror-meter increasing. Activating terror-suppression protocols. Protocol 1: Cute Puppies EXE. Protocol 2: Mother's Emotional Support EXE. Protocol 3: Dad Bathing Me EXE. Libido meter has increased..._

Arika A-E-S the 2nd: _Oh, this is awkward! WHY did I come here? It's not like I'm anything special... I mean, my timeline is pretty unlikely, and even I think it's icky when I think about it... but... I don't want to just disappear! Negi-papa wouldn't want me to just give up! I won't betray Arika-mama's name by taking the easy way out and just letting myself be erased! But oh, if only I had someone like Nagi-step-papa to rescue me too... _

Asuna V-T-E-K-S the 2nd: _Wow, this gun is heavy. This will show everyone! I'll save the day and everyone will stop treating me like a little kid! Then papa will love me and marry me too, just like he married mama! After all, when you really love someone, you marry them, right? Papa didn't marry me, so that means he doesn't love me enough yet! But I'll show him! I'll save the timeline all by myself! Then he'll HAVE to marry me!_

Nodoka found herself going red, eyes swirling as all the thoughts got read into her mind. She gave a little cry.

"Oh no!" Amaterasu cried, pointing at Nodoka. " Her battle lust has taken over, and she's about to kill us all!"

Amaterasu/S-S Arika/Alex/Multi: _OH SHIT! ATACKATTACKATTACK!_

Nodoka blinked as she found several throwing knives, a Shinmeiryu blast, Fire-type Saggita Magica arrows, and several plasma balls streaking towards her. Haruna dodged out of the way, summoning her shield maidens to block the plasma balls, but in her panic hadn't accounted for the people around her properly and her constructs accidentally pushed Nodoka, knocking her to the ground. Yue gave a cry and rushed for her, but found herself held back by the Shinmeiryu blasts she had to block with her souken.

Knives and fire spells streaked for Nodoka, and she instinctively curled up around her books

Gunshots rang out.

The throwing knives shattered, knocked off course and shot apart as a figure in a dark-red cloak suddenly dropped down from above, interspersing itself between Nodoka and the spells. A hand clad in a shining golden gauntlet, tips clawed, thrust outward. "_Audacia Bibliothecaria Key Mastel Magister!_"

A spell gathered, and the fire spells impacted against it with an explosive roar, superheating the air above as the blasts were redirected upwards by the cunningly angled shield. In the newest arrival's right hand was strange, tri-barreled gun. It fired, and Amaterasu and Arika cried as they lost their swords. Another series of shots also knocked away Alex's staff. The wood spun in the air, and slammed into Multi's eyes, causing her to stumble as she lost targeting capability.

Nodoka stared up at her protector as she finally grew still. It took her a moment to realize that it was a girl who barely looked fourteen, and small. As small as Negi sensei-still was. With short, dark indigo hair tinged with red in places where it was thin and the light shone through it along the edge, the girl was wearing a dark red cape with a long mantle. Beneath, the girl was wearing what appeared to be a dark leather bodysuit with knee-high boots. Mouth mostly hidden by the high collar of her cape, she held the gun in her hand with negligent familiarity, the rune-covered gauntlet in her left hand– some kind of focus like Negi's ring or staff, Nodoka thought dazedly– already being used to cast a spell.

"Are y-you all r-right?" the girl asked, the tone a strange mix of hesitant and determined.

"Y-yes," Nodoka said, even as the Comptina Daemonica began writing out a name:

_**Miyazaki-Springfield Ranko**_.

Ranko: _Oh thank goodness I made it here in time! If anything had happened to mama... Eh? Mama, are you reading my thoughts right now? Mama? Why are you going so red? Mama? Mama! Mama, what's wrong? Open your eyes, mama! Auntie Konoka, help mama! Mama…!_

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I like the scanlation translation of Rakan's version of Ni-no-Tachi better than the official Del Rey version. It's more fun somehow.

Whew! I almost lost this chapter because my computer spontaneously rebooted and then ate the auto recovery file. I had to go through each line of the tmp files at around the time of the reboot to get all the test back. Let us usher in a new era of computer saving paranoia!

Seriously, I hope you all appreciate this!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.

P.S. Yes, I couldn't help it. Asuna's kid will be known as Chibi-Asu.


	3. Definitely Not Decadent Habits…

A/N: Yes, I know it's been a long time. You should all know what I'm like by now, really…

...

Descendants of Negi: An Elseworld of 2814… Possibly. Looking Way Less Likely…

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: Definitely Not Decadent Habits… Though I Hear That One's Awesome…

Disclaimer: Negima belongs to Akamatsu. I make no profit off this. If you paid to see this, you've been had… AND I WANT MY CUT!

...

Konoe Konomon had lived a long time. He'd had many zany misadventures in his youth, like the time he'd ended up in the center of the Earth riding a dinosaur to war, or that time he was kidnapped by lesbian space pirates. He knew how trying life could be for a mage.

That said, he wondered just which divinity on which pantheon was responsible for messing up Negi's life like this.

His facial hair concealed his smile as he surveyed the array of supposed children from the future lined up in front of his desk, flanked by Ala Alba and various school mages. The latter group looked like they felt irrelevant, and the headmaster really couldn't blame them. Try to contain the children of Negi? They might as well try fitting a hurricane into a test tube… and everyone remembered Hakase's last attempt to do _that_ all too clearly.

Their weapons had been confiscated, such as they were. The boy Alex had been carrying nothing but the staff and a crystal ball, while Arika (the one that was apparently Setsuna's daughter) and Amaterasu had been stripped of their swords and, in the latter's case, throwing knives. Said knives were now on a rather large pile on the floor. It had been _disturbing_ how many they'd found on the girl, and where. The sheer number she'd worn on belts up her legs…!

The _other_, taller Arika, who for the sake of convenience asked them to call her Anarchia, had also relinquished her staff, drawn from her own storage sigil, and a ring, both identified as _exactly_ the same as the one's Negi had. She'd given an embarrassed, apologetic smile at the boy teacher's reaction to this.

The red-haired robot-girl, who'd identified herself as 'Multi', was currently surrounded by Setsuna, Kaede and Chachamaru. The girl had been cooperative so far, but better safe then sorry. A pair of identical boys with pink hair who looked about twelve and wearing identical ninja outfits glared at each other off to the side, Kaede's prisoners.

Chachamaru's own prisoners consisted of four girls, two dark-skinned, two not. The one who called herself Nasu had been cooperative enough, and seemed to be keeping the three in line. Tatsumiya Mana had been called in and if the revelation she'd had a time-traveling child with Negi came as a surprise, she wasn't showing it. She and the girl who was supposed to be her daughter were currently locked in a staring contest.

The last two children were off to the side. The one in the elaborate costume was holding back the little girl they'd all dubbed 'Chibi-Asu', who'd had her lighter-gun confiscated. All the others watched those two warily. The former was tending to the still-unconscious Nodoka and trying to keep the latter settled. The latter was having none of it.

"Hey, let me go!" Chbi-Asu cried, flailing wildly. "If you don't, you'll be sorry! My mom will kick your ass!"

Asuna twitched at this.

"P-please be quiet," Ranko said, her hesitant voice trying vainly to quiet the crying child. "Y-your behavior is v-very unbecoming."

"I don't want to be quiet, I want the Springfield Family Jewels!" Chibi-Asu cried. Everyone either twitched or barely restrained a smile.

"You and every girl in class, kid," Chisame said grumpily, one hand to an eye were Chibi-Asu had poked it on the way to the office. She glared at Asuna. "Damn it Kaguraka, raise your kid better! The last thing the world needs is another violent maniac!"

"Hey, she's _not_ my kid!" Asuna protested. She paused. "Shouldn't you be going on about how this is all impossible and unreal and all a fantasy you don't believe in?"

"I've learned to pick my battles," Chisame grumbled. She glared at the assembled 'children'. "All right, what's the big idea?-!" she demanded.

Konoemon coughed. "While I appreciate your zeal, Hasegawa-kun, I will remind you this is _my_ office?"

Everyone was treated to the rare sight of Chisame blushing in contrite embarrassment rather than her usual annoyance, rage, and being stripped naked as the Headmaster steepled his fingers, reminding himself for the billionth time to get some dark glasses or something and change the lighting in his office so that said glasses glinted properly. "Now," he said. "Will you children kindly explain yourselves?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you, ally of evil!" Amaterasu declared, pointing dramatically. "This is but a temporary setback! I _will_ kill Konoe Konoka and see that my mother properly marries Negi-pa– SAKURAZAKI, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP DOING THAT!"

"Eh?" Arika said, blinking innocently up at Amaterasu. "But your boobs feel all nice and squishy!"

"Can I _please_ have my chi back so I can kick her ass?" Amaterasu begged, trying to pry her half-sister off her and keep the girl from rubbing her face on Amaterasu's breasts.

Konoemon seriously considered it.

He turned to the other children. "What about _you_ children? Would you care to explain?"

"That information costs money," Rally said, holding out her hand.

"You are not authorized to posses that information," Multi said.

"Onee-chan boobies!" Arika cried.

"Um, well…" Arika Anarchia said.

"U-um, th-that is…" Ranko stuttered.

"I want the Springfield Family Jewels!" Chibi-Asu demanded.

"I will not speak to those in the thrall of the boob monsters!" Alex declared loudly.

"Make me!" Illyria cried.

"Wild horses couldn't drag it out of me!" Nikuro agreed.

"We're all from different futures, and _are_ here to make sure that Negi-papa hooks up with our mother to ensure the continued existence of our timelines," Nasu said brightly. "That's it really. We have no other goals just yet."

Konoemon took a moment to process this, as did everyone else. "Really?"

"TRAITOR!" Illyria cried.

"Hardly," Nasu said, gesturing towards the 4th wall. "It's just that everyone was getting impatient, you know? They want us to get on with it, as Monty Python says, get everything out in the open so there aren't any more stupid misunderstandings out of an episode of that Triangle Heart spinoff."

Everyone stared at where she'd gestured.

"Um, Nasu-san, there's no one there," Negi said.

"Really?" Nasu said.

"Ignore her," Nikuro said, making a twirling gesture at her temple in the multiversally accepted sign-language for 'she's fucking nuts'. "She does this sometimes."

As one, everyone looked at Chao.

She raised her hand defensively. "Hey. Don't look at me! I'm not so irresponsible as to just randomly hand out time-travel magitech to little kids!"

"You gave one to Negi during the school festival," Chisame accused.

"That's different!"

"How?"

"It was all according to plan!" A pause. "Well, except his kicking my ass part…"

...

"Yeah, we lost 'em that time!" Nagi said with cheerful certainty as the car pulled out of the side street and back into the main flow of traffic once more.

"Good for you, dear," Arika said patiently, looking through the rear window to confirm that, yes, the car that had been tailing them all the way from the airport was still following them. They had a slightly better lead than they'd had before, and that was all that had been accomplished.

She sighed faintly. Sometimes it was hard, being in love with an idiot hero. The fact that his blind luck and brute force tended to win more often than not could be quite aggravating, and his utter refusal to plan anything ... well. Still, as it had often been said, one liked people for their qualities and loved them for their flaws. And he had so many to love, too.

Oh well. It would be nice if he could show a few of their son's qualities, just occasionally.

And at least all these allegedly evasive maneuvers hadn't done anything to disturb Nekane's sleep. Arika envied the girl her tranquility, and the gentle smile that told her that she must be having a very good dream. She wondered what it was.

...

_"Oh, Nekane-oneesama! At last, at long last, I understand that you are really the only girl for me!" sixteen year-old Negi proclaimed, sweeping Nekane off her feet as he did. _

_"Yes!" she cried in response. "Yes, I am so glad that you've come to this understanding, my beloved!" _

_"But I do fear that my awful, evil students will object to our entirely proper and rightful union," Negi said, once more showing the youthful apprehension that had won her heart. _

_"That won't be a problem, my Negi, my darling!" Nekane told him calmly. _

_"Why not?" he asked. _

_"Because I killed the evil bitches, one by one!" Nekane cheered. _

_"Oh, huzzah!" Negi said approvingly. _

Nekane's smile grew just a bit wider as she slept.

...

There was a knock on the door to the dean's office, which opened suddenly, revealing a pissed Anya, still in her middle school uniform. "Negi!" she cried, pointing at him. "What have you gotten yourself into this time?-!"

Then she paused, scowling at all the new girls, folding her arms over her breasts self-consciously. Four years and still no change there, for all she was a head and a half taller than Negi now. "What's going on here?" she demanded. "Who are all these girls? Headmaster, why was I called here?"

"Ah, good Anya-kun," he said. "This involves you as well."

Alex began to squirm slightly, bowing his head and trying to look unobtrusive.

Anya's frown deepened.

"Anya, this is your son Alex. He's from the future," Chisame said.

Anya gave her a blank look. After a moment, she said, "Anyone else, I'd think they were kidding, but you're not the kidding type, Hasegawa."

They exchanged mild glares.

"Wow," Nasu said. "Such belligerent sexual tension."

They blinked, and turned the glares at her. "Who's this and what the heck is she talking about?" Anya demanded.

"I'm from the future too," Nasu said. "Nice to meet you."

Anya glared, but looked sideways at Chisame. The hacker nodded in confirmation.

Anya turned her flat, unamused look at Alex. He waved his fingers at her. "Hey mom."

She stared at him, then reached into a pocket and pulled out a crystal ball. "_Libra Veritatis," _she murmured, a basic 'true/false' divination. "Say that again."

"Hey mom?" he said.

The crystal ball turned green.

Anya stared at it, tucked away the crystal, then had a thought and pulled it out again. "Who's your dad?"

Alex pointed at Negi, who twitched. The crystal turned green again.

Anya nodded, put the crystal in her pocket, and fainted dead away.

Nasu held out a hand. Grudgingly, people started slapping money into it.

When she woke up, Anya was smug for about all the time it took to explain that…

"Wait, ALL THESE KIDS ARE NEGI'S TOO?-!" Anya cried. "NEGI! YOU CASANOVA! ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!"

"Actually, with these many wins, he's _hardly_ an enemy," Nasu said.

"Who is this?-!" Anya demanded.

"Springfield Nasu," Nasu said. "My mom's not here yet. Actually, I'm kinda not sure how I'm here…"

Anya glared at all the others. "And who're the rest?"

"Well, the one in the cool cape is Nodoka's kid, the Chibi is Asuna's, the pouty one is Mana's, the one being felt up is Tsukuyomi's—" Haruna started pointing.

"Whose?" Anya said.

"The four-eyed creepy slashy girl from Fate's crew," Asuna provided.

"Ah."

"Anyway, the one feeling up her breasts is Setsuna's, the twins are the Narutakis', those two are Illya and Kuro's, the robot is Chachamaru's— don't ask— and the tall redhead's…" Haruna paused. "Actually, I don't know whose kid she is."

"Um, is that really all that important?" she said. "I mean, I'm Negi-papa's daughter too, after all."

"'Fess up!" Anya bad-cop-ed. "Whose are you?-!"

"There's no need to take that tone Anya-chan," Negi said. He smiled reassuring at Anarchia.

There was a gasp from Nodoka. Everyone turned to see her staring at her book, then at Anarchia, then back again, completely pale.

The phone rang.

Konoemon picked it up calmly and listened. "Ah! Negi-kun! It seems your parents have arrived."

...

Slowly, she edged away from the others. If you moved slowly enough, you hardly seem to move at all. And then, when their eyes are off of you, you can —

And then the situation went from bad to worse as the local versions of her mother (argh!) and step-father (mergh!) and Eishun-sama (meh) showed up, and had the situation explained to them hastily. And of course, the two men took one look at her and knew who she must be. Shocked expressions on both their faces, check.

And then it went from bad to worse to utterly awful, when her mother looked at her, and said, "So who is supposed to be this one's mother?"

"Uh, honey?" said Nagi-sama. "I think you might want to sit down."

"Why is it that you only ever call me that when you're trying to avert my justifiable wrath?" Arika asked, sounding annoyed. Just like she always sounded whenever her daughter messed up, which happened fairly often. "Some sweet nothings when I have no cause for concern would be ... wait a moment, I have no cause for concern at the moment. Not that I know about. Chao Lingshen, what have you wrought?"

"We just met!" protested Chao. "You can't blame me already!"

And then the local version of Miyazaki-taichou was shyly sidling up to her mother, and she knew what was about to be revealed, and no, no, she couldn't face it, it was too much, and she ran.

Eventually, she found herself at a bridge, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. She looked up.

"Was that a pleasant run for you?" said Arika.

Anarchia made a strangled noise, pointing back the way that she came, which covered, she believed, a goodly portion of the present-day Mahora campus. She looked back and forth, repeatedly.

"Yes, I followed you," her mother said. "You gave me a good chase. But I am just that cool."

All the girl could do was gape.

"I am given to understand," Arika began delicately, "that you are under the impression that you are my daughter. In fact, various persons well-acquainted with me have said that you and I are near duplicates of one another, except for your hair color. I personally do not see the resemblance. But then, I have seldom seen myself without the benefit of a mirror. Would you please confirm that my understanding is correct."

Anarchia nodded shakily.

"Thank you," said Arika. "And ... you are also under the impression that your father ... is ... my ... son." The words didn't come out easily.

Again, nod.

"So," Arika said, and then didn't say anything more for a few moments. "I suppose that the next question I should ask — though, not before apologizing in advance, because this question cannot be answered with a nod or a negatory shake of the head — is ... how, in your understanding, did the situation which resulted in your birth come to pass?" Again, incredibly delicate, for a tone which had all the softness of a granite boulder.

"I don't really know," Anarchia started to babble. "I only found out a little while ago, and I really don't… it doesn't make much sense, apparently you were drunk, and my stepfather was drunk, and my bro— I mean, father was using an age changing pill and so was Aunt Eva and things happened, and it really makes me kind of sick to think about it, but I think I have to make it come to pass anyway, because I don't want to not exist, and… but… I don't… I'll go away, you don't have to ever, ever talk to or think about —"

And then she felt a hand touch hers. "No," said the rightful queen of Ostia. "You will not go away."

"Okay," she said, voice tiny.

"What you are describing does not sound very plausible," Arika said after a moment of consideration. "Even in the wilder days of my youth, when I was associated with the Mysteries — but that is neither here nor there. You are not lying. A liar would invent something more plausible. So you are telling the truth, and thus you are My Daughter."

You could hear the capital letters in her voice.

She coughed uncomfortably. "Whatever I am, or may become in the future, one thing I hope will always be true. I do not blame children for what their parents did. I am the very last person on either world who should do so. All right?"

Reduced to nodding once more, Anarchia proceeded to do so.

"Very well. We will go now to meet with your various half-siblings, and ... your father —" Pause. "Excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth for no particular reason. Together, we will discuss what we are to with all of you. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Anarchia shook her head. "It sounds as fun as training with Eva-neechan," she said.

"No, I don't think so either. But it is the right thing to do." Hesitantly, she touched the girl's shoulder lightly, and started guiding her back the way that they'd come.

Onlookers would have taken them for a close mother and daughter.

After a moment, Arika said, "'Eva-neechan'?"

"She's either my stepmother or sister-in-law, so… I _did_ mention her and father both using age-change pills, right? Why do you think this happened in the first place?"

"Ah…"

...

"Um…" Negi said, staring at the window Anarchia had jumped out of. "Why did she do that? And where's mother?"

"NOT IT!" everyone in the room cried.

"Darn it!" Chao cried. "Always last to back out!"

Everyone looked at her.

Chao sighed. "Negi-sensei, you're familiar with _Oedipus Rex_, right?"

"Oh, yes," Negi said. "That's the one where he accidentally gouged his eyes out, right?"

"…" Chao said. "This is going to be harder than I thought…"

"Welcome to the last four years of my life," Asuna said.

Chao thought. "Negi-sensei, you see, Anarchia is apparently… um… well, the thing is Negi-sensei… ah… Negi-sensei, do you know how reproduction works?"

"Well," Negi said. "Chachamaru told me that when someone wants to have a child, they go to a laboratory and start designing the hardware and software…"

"We really screwed him up, didn't we?" Chisame said.

"What do you mean 'we'?" Mana said. "_I_ never teach him anything."

"…" Chao said. "Anarchia's your sister instead of your daughter! We were mistaken calling her that. That's the only explanation you need!"

"Oh, okay…" Negi said. He perked up. "Oh! Dad, does this mean you and mother are going to a laboratory and getting started on designing hardware and software?"

"I hope you realize this is all your fault," Asuna told Nagi.

"Oh, right…" Nagi said, rolling his eyes. "Like _I_ could _possibly_ teach him how to be _normal_."

"He's got you there," Eishun said.

"Still, I suppose this possibility shouldn't have surprised me," Nagi said. "After all, she grew up royalty. Who _knows_ what sort of deadly, decadent habits she picked up in court? She was probably _wild_ when she was a teenager."

"Didn't she devote her time to trying to forge peace with Hellas, getting to know her subjects, learning the details of rule, and hanging out with you guys?" Yue said. "It's a matter of public record."

"Still, you gotta wonder how it happened," Haruna said. "I mean, did she end up seducing him, slowly teaching him the finer points of erotica before—"

"HEY!" Nagi cried. "That's my wife you're talking about!"

"Then why is your nose bleeding?"

"You heard the part about my wife, right?"

...

The taxi stopped in front of the middle school building. A young man stepped out, adjusting his sunglasses. "Ah…" he said. "Mother… do not worry mother. I shall do all in my power to ensure that you and father are—"

BONK!

As he collapsed to the ground, Anarchia looked up from paying the driver. "Was that really necessary… mother?"

"He was obviously ranting about setting up his mother with my son," Arika said, hefting her sword. "He is obviously from the future as well. Therefore it would only be prudent to bring him to the attention of the faculty."

"Well… I suppose," Anarchia agreed. "Still… mother…"

"Yes?"

"Where did you get the sword? For that matter, why do you have one?"

"This IS Mahora, daughter."

...

The door to the dean's office opened again, and everyone looked up in concern as Arika Sr. and Anarchia stepped in, the young man slung between them.

"Found another one," Arika said as Eishun and Nagi came forward to take the load off the two women, laying their prisoner on a chair. The former queen rotated her shoulders. "I must say, my son, I'm a bit concerned at the number of your potential progeny…"

There was a pregnant pause as everyone but Negi and Chibi-Asu flicked eyes between her and Anarchia and back again.

The blonde looked sideways, not meeting anyone's eyes. Her interactions with Negi had ceased being ridiculously formal and stilted about a year ago, when an exasperated Nagi had locked them in a Diorama bottle for a relative month and forced them to iron things out, but it looked like she was regression with Anarchia. That was a moderately good sign, however. "We have… sorted matters. That is all."

Everyone turned to Anarchia. She was looking at the carpet intently, apparently finding it infinitely fascinating.

"Well, she's still here, so the Decadent Habits ending is still possible," Nasu said. She pointed. "Read Decadent Habits! It's good!"

Everyone stared at her, then looked at the blank wall she was pointing at.

"Nasu-san, who are you talking to and what are you pointing at?" Yue said.

"The people watching us through their computers," she said promptly.

There was silence.

"_Anyyyway…_" Konoemon said. "Moving on… regardless of where they came from, what are we to do with these children? It's not like we can send them where they came from." He paused. "Could we?"

Everyone looked at Chao.

She looked up from the pile of Cassiopeias in front of her, some kind of jewelers lens over one eye, a complicated multi-tool in one hand. "What? I've barely opened one of these things yet! You rush a miracle worker, you get lousy miracles."

"Maybe you need a wheelbarrow," Yue said blandly.

Chao threw a clock at her.

Konoemon hummed. "Well… time-travel is hardly a crime," he said, giving Chao a look. She smiled brightly. "But it would be irresponsible for us to merely allow you to roam free." He gave Amaterasu a look that was several dozen degrees colder than his usual joviality. "Especially when some of you express your intension to kill my granddaughter."

Eishun's head snapped up with an audible crack. He yelped, clutching his neck. "Ah! Whiplash! Whiplash!"

"Don't worry daddy!" Konoka said, drawing her wand. A weird smile came over her face. "_**I'll heal you…**_"

Everyone shuddered.

Fate Averruncus coughed, drawing attention to himself and shocking everyone at the rather abrupt appearance and reminding them that it was mentioned there _were_ school mages in the room. "Parole is hardly unprecedented, headmaster," the homeroom teacher of class 3-F said. "Measures can be taken to ensure the students' safety."

"How long has he been standing there?" Chisame murmured.

"The whole scene," Nasu said back. "After all, it fits with chapter 336. Procrastinating for almost a year to write the chapter has its advantages…"

Chisame blinked at her. "What?"

Nagi hummed thoughtfully, then broke out in a grin. "Hey, that would work! In fact, I think I've got this spell on me somewhere…"

"_**NO!**_" everyone cried.

"I'm still trying to undo the one you put on the master," Negi said.

"Still, the idea has merit," Konoemon mused. "It could work…"

"And thus the excuse plot is complete…" Nasu said.

"Okay, seriously, _**WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?-!-?-!-?-!**_" Chisame demanded.

...

"Darn it, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?-!" Kuro cried, knocking on Haruna's door. "IT'S GAME NIGHT!"

Illya and Miyu sighed. "Phone?" Illya asked.

Miyu drew hers out. "On it."

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I just found it amusing to think that Konoemon might have had his own adventures in his youth…

Fate is Homeroom teacher of _that_ class. I'll have Matoi in my universe somehow, darn it!

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


End file.
